Cross words

I’ve complained about early-bird humans and their tendency to be unreliable. Their habit of moving the goalposts suddenly, changing plans at the last minute without understanding how irritating they’re being. But what about early-bird festivals?

Easter can’t commit to a specific date. It decides when to happen based on the phases of the moon. If a human did that, you’d call them a hippy and write them off as a flake.

And as a result, some years Easter is an early-bird bastard, the equivalent of a party guest turning up hours early and expecting to be entertained while you’re still Hoovering or putting some crisps in a bowl. And given the cold spring weather we’ve been having lately, there’s a good chance it’ll turn up while there’s still snow on the ground.

I propose we end this bullshit. Let’s just pick a date for Easter and stick to it. How about June 21st, the summer solstice? We’d get the bank holidays when it’s warm enough to enjoy them. And Easter won’t keep moving, occasionally turning up early and catching everybody out. Only a fool would object to my plan.

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