There’s none so blind

Are you a middle-aged or elderly woman? Do you need glasses to read, or perhaps to see properly in general?

Don’t wear them. They make you look old. They are literally the only thing making you look old. Take them off immediately. When you remove your glasses, all the other signs of age melt away from you, and you immediately gain the appearance of a lithe 25-year-old. You will look girlish and care-free as you complain about parking charges or ask your son-in-law to fix your computer.

When someone hands you a letter, or a recipe, or a map, or a copy of the TV listings, the look of incomprehension and mild panic on your face makes you look – impossible as it may seem – even younger. As you scrabble through your handbag or search the house for the glasses you need to read, you take on the appearance of a dewy-skinned 21-year-old.

Of course, when you finally find the glasses, you will have to actually put them on. But that’s OK, because everybody knows you don’t really wear them. So your forcefield of youthfulness remains intact. To add a note of eagerness and youthful energy to the general aura, why not try licking your finger before finally getting to grips with the piece of paper?

Then, finally, you can begin to read. And now you appear even more youthful: you’ve taken several minutes and put in a lot of effort to read a few sentences. Congratulations! I’ve measured your educational level using these factors and concluded that you can’t be any more than five years old.

Explore posts in the same categories: dissing the visuworld, visual language


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